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Usher
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Posted on 11-21-04 9:31
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'I haven't seen you this happy before' My mom sounded sarcastic in her saying as she came to bid me goodbye at the Tribhuwan Airport. Of course, I was happy as I was flying to US for my further studies after several years of efforts. Manhattan was hell of busy city. It took me almost six months to get used to it. Certainly New York was not a good choice to start with. I used whatever I had brought with me within first six months. Credit cards helped me the other semester as well. Four courses each semester, 20 hours on campus and hours off campus almost made me sick of life I was having. Gradually, my credit cards started exhausting out. 60 hours hardship during summer was another worst nightmare ever I can imagine of. There were several nights when I came back from work and was so tired to think of even eating something. I used to crash in my only couch in the room and woke up with a painful backbone. Days ahead started getting even worst. I could hardly keep up with difficult courses, long work hours and shallow financial situation I was battling with. The only thing that made my heart in high spirits was my beautiful Meghna. Her long and healing mails, her sweet voice in the phone and her compassionate nature towards me kept me alive.
Time flew by. It was the third year of my stay in US or third year of my days of struggle. I got letter from the school that I cannot be enrolled for next semester without paying out my tuition fees. Taking long deep breathe was even not helping that day. I was walking restlessly near Kent Hall where I met my fellow Nepali colleague from work, Pawan (Paul), who was bit better in position. There was hardly anything he could do for me but I was grateful that at least he listened to me. It was something difficult to find someone who listens to you in a fast moving city. I couldn't drop off from the college either even not being able to figure out the 'what next' solution for my next semester.
Donna was my lab group white mate. I was the only international in our group and how most whites give shit to Asians, I was one of the victim. But not Donna. She used to ask how I was doing? Did I call my mom and stuffs like that always. Physically, she didn't look gorgeous or 'hot' in more appropriate term. She was bulky for her age, not much tall and had all kinds of dots on her skin. Her fellow whites didn't give her good company (just for her appearance?). It wouldn't bother me as long as she was nice to me. As John Constable quoted beautifully, 'There is nothing ugly; I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may, -- light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful.'
As I was approaching the end of my third years, I almost gave up thinking what I am to do next. Pawan came up with an idea. It is still legal to drop one semester. Really? I could work that semester and then continue with my next semester. I used this option also. In spite of all the difficult work hours, I found out that I had enough money to pay my due tuition fees and enroll for the next semester. Cool. Two weeks remained for me to start with my fourth year first semester. Life was not that easy. I got message from my sister in Nepal on my answering machine. It said ' Milcha bhane Nepal Aija, daddy sarhai birami hunuhuncha'. Being troubled, I went home though I knew I might have problems traveling in my situation, and that I was using the money I had collected for my due tuitions. I lost my father. Coming back, I was back to ground zero, in addition lost my apartment and whatever I owned. Donna came to my rescue. She asked me to be with her in her apartment. I had no choice. That was the most I could think of from a white girl. This was not my end of hardships. I still couldn't find out any solutions to get back to school. Against my efforts, I found out that I was already an illegal dwelling in US without being able to appear in school for two consecutive semesters. It hurt to think I can?t even leave US to meet my mom and Meghna. For once, I thought, do hell with US. I will go back and try my luck with my mom and my beautiful Meghna, who is waiting for me daringly. My instinct didn't allow me to do so.
I was chilling out with Pawan at his apartment. ' Tero yeuta last option baki cha'. That would be? I questioned. What you think about Donna? Think what? She can be your Green Card candidate. I felt that was very provoking and offensive. I justified him for us just being friend though living under the same roof. Donna was nice with me. She asked me out one fine day. Not being able to give my decisions right then, I came to my room. My mind was constantly thinking about Meghna. I had no choice but to go for what Pawan thinks is right for me. Me and Donna got married. She and her family seemed happy. The same day I found Meghna writing me three full pages mail where she mentioned she will be waiting for me no matter how long. I didn't tell her about Donna, I was scared loosing her. I certainly was a looser. I did all the paper works to get me a green card. I was excited of getting back to school. Guys around me (Nepalese, Indians ) made fun of me for getting married with a flabby white girl. 'teri amma lagti hye' was the comment an Indian passing to me . Almost punched him. Time changed and so did Donna. She started showing her white attitude towards me. Was that because I was nice to her and didn?t treat her like others did because of her physical appearance? I could swallow it to think my better days tomorrow. Things started getting worst with her. Still I was quiet. She had every right to do so as I was surviving because of her favors to me. It was Monday evening when I was checking my mails. Wow, it was Meghna's mail, short one. It read 'Congratulations for getting married with white girl. She must be beautiful. I am flying to UK tomorrow.' For the first time, my eyes were wet. I didn't shed tears even to know about my father's death. I lost the last good thing happening in my life. The same day I got mail from INS to appear for the green card interview.
I separated with Donna after having my green card. I know I was selfish but I couldn't handle her anymore. Meghna got married too was what I heard. As I was looking intently at the green card I just received, Pawan howled, you lucky dog. I told him 'Does it worth the losses I had in my life?'
In Jest.
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Upendramansingh
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Posted on 11-21-04 10:01
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Hey USher, your story matches with mine kind of like 50 %. I can understand your decisions u had made in tough situation. I am also in US in Arizona with same situations like you, the only thing is i have not married anyone yet and i dont want to coz some one waiting for me too. Life really changes with time, i can not say my situation will be good, but i dont want it to get worse either. I also think some time to get green card so i dont have to pay out of state fee, but i also think of my love, i just can not do it. Well i wish u luck for ur future.
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rein
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Posted on 11-22-04 4:30
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if this is true, then u are a real loser, opportunist... dont u try to sound good by posting this nonsense blabber... what is so bad about u is that u didnt inform megna about ur marriage... u always had in ur mind that u would one day get megna as well. Its good that megna knew about ur getting married for the green card and left u forever...
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Six Strings
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Posted on 11-22-04 6:38
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Hey Usher bro, Excatly how long are you planning Megna to wait for you? I really feel sorry for these two girls, especially for Megna. GC is so much important to you than someone's life and love. WOW, dude you really did it. Congratulation...Hell is waiting for you.
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Sonika_NY
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Posted on 11-22-04 8:24
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I didn't read all of your long and boring story. I have no time. But i think, illegals like Usher should be sent back. We don't need you. Get life peace Out
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Revival
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Posted on 11-22-04 1:58
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Usher, You could have told everything to your Meghna and I am sure she would have understood you. You could have told your situation when you were in Nepal when you heard your father is not well. You didn't mention if you met Meghna at that time..You are responsible for whatever situation you are right now! My suggestion to you is try to forget everything and MOVE ON!. I am sure it is bothering you like crazy so you posted it here so that you feel some relief! Sometimes it really helps to jot down or share what you've been going through! If you think you have accomplished your goal!, go back get a cup of black mocha from Starbucks and chill! Just move on with your life now you are in good status and are more capable of pursuing your dreams! Good luck with your life Usher Revival Waiting for a new beginning
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brainiac
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Posted on 11-22-04 2:23
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Miss Soniya_NY Please married me?.I desperately need a green card or citizenship. I will do whatever you want. Do not send me back. I will marry you solely for status and not your short attention span. I don?t care if you look like a dog or the flabby white chick. Please consider it, my love. You complete me. ----------------------- This story doesn?t seem right !!! Someone please correct me if I am wrong: Once you are of illegal status, there is no way to be able to marry a citizen for a Greencard.
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nO_wAy
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Posted on 11-22-04 3:24
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Usher............wheather that story was lie or ture......thatz a touching story! I think.......u hav kinda made right decision by sepearating with donna....and sticking with ur studies!.......... ByTheWay!!! Miss Sonika..are u citizen/greencard holder of US? .....*just want to know* May b we could go out together some day!!!....ma pani NY mai chu(JaCKsOn hiGHtsZ) ma... Yar....USher mero pani tero jastai halat cha yar......aaba ta muj* credit ko bill bhahek...appt. ma kai ko pani mail aau dai na!!!...........over du nai over due!!! luckY dogg.....mero life ma ta donna sonna bhanney koi pani chiayna!!! :((( Miss Sonika!!!..........dont frget meh....i can b really helpful to u!!!really Pease Out
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DeepBlue
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Posted on 11-22-04 7:29
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Earlier this afternoon, I wrote to Sonika: "We need illegal people here to poke in your ugly a$$" And San bro didn't like it and deleted the posting. Shit.
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Usher
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Posted on 11-22-04 10:11
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Thank you guys for spending some time reading it.
Upendra and No-way bro. Hang in there.
-------
Rein and Strings bro.
No. I didnt post to get sympathy. You missed my points. I wanted to tell how I mishandle already bad situation I was having in US. The first mistake was deciding coming to big city like New York. Second would be marrying a white for a GC. Third would be being untruthful to the one who was always truthful to me. I didn't mean to appear myself good in my story. But was sharing the mistakes I had committed so that another fellow Nepali should not ruin his nepali dream in search of american dream. I am here to blame myself and to feel honored to have Meghna in my life. Anyway thanks.
-------- Revival, I have no options but to move on. I agree with you totally.
------------- Brainiac, I can't give you any evidence to prove myself but one thing I have learned here is nothing is impossible in US, the only quesion is, in achieving those, what you have to loose? Believe me, by the time you have it, you would be loosing so many things that it will mean you nothing.
------ Sonika from NY, I have stopped discussing with you long before.
-------- You used to be silient reader of sajha. If you happened to read it, I hope you will forgive me. Good luck with your life.
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Maha-Sakti
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Posted on 11-23-04 7:26
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Usher, Though you definitely deserve what you've done, hurt someone's feelings, play with people's lives, your story however raises a very good question to ponder upon to not only us Nepalis, but to every human in general. What is the most important thing in life? For some, it may be money, for some a fulfilling career, or for some just a simple happy family. Most of us came here to get a good education so that we could earn a living or for some earn a lot of money. But while doing so, we do not realise what we are missing. We are missing every moment of our lives that we could be spending with our family. When we talk on the phone and listen to our dad and mom telling us about things going on back home, celebrating festivals half-heartedly without us, do we not miss those? Do we not wish that we were with them? Besides, as we grow old, and our elders grow older, the chances of lossing someone in life increases. Anything can happen to our loved ones. So finally it boils down to, whether is was worth coming to US, while leaving our family behind, while not being there when our dad and mom, brother and sisters needed us. In so many cases, I have witnessed brothers not being able to attend their sister's wedding in Nepal, sons or daughters not being able to be aside of thier mom or dad when they were laying on the hospital bed, or times when they simply were not their to light the funeral. So is this all worth it? What is a life, if one is missing everything that is important in life? We may accomplish money, Green Card, or whatever, but at the expense of what, and that expense makes it whether is was worth it.
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cool_keta
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Posted on 11-23-04 7:50
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Very touching story, i feel pity on you. So what is up with your life now? Ever considering going back to Nepal and look for another meghna?
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cool_keta
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Posted on 11-23-04 7:53
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I cent percent agree with maha-sakti, same goes towards me. I have lost both my Grandparents to US, god knows what else waits. My Dad couldnt even go do the ritual of funeral.
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KOOLDUDE
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Posted on 11-23-04 11:11
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STOP complaining, no one asked you to come to the US, so STOP blaiming the country! (this is for the others, not Usher) Usher, move on, of course u r an opportunistic but u got DE all important Green Card at least in your opinion, now move on. Let's hope some girls does not use u and dump u like u did to Donna, her excuse may also be "he has an Nepali-GreenCard holder attitude" :D :D :D Don't ask me to translate that coz I don't remember what a White attitude is, u made the whole fault lie in her, for a fight to start you must have contributed too. So for the break up of Donna and u, U my dear is EQUALLY responsible!
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Maha-Sakti
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Posted on 11-23-04 12:00
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Who is blaming what country? Hmmmmmm.... I must have missed that.
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Biggy Small
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Posted on 11-23-04 12:16
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I agree with Kooldude that a fight can't be one-sided, it is a contribution of both parties. Usher you might not have noticed bad qualities of Donna before you got married to her. I guess the Green Card blind folded you. At least you learnt a valuable lesson in life by coming to a city like NY. Remember you can't have all the options in life. If you were thinking of having a green card and megna you should have looked at other options before you made your decision to marry Donna. You took the easiest route to your problems and lost an important person in your life. Many Nepali's in the US have studied, paid their bills, and are in debt from tution bills which doesn't make your case rare that you should have jumped at the first opportunity you got to marry Donna. For God Sake your story is trying to make Donna and all white girls look really bad. Its such a generalized statement. What would have happened if all the Nepali's got generalized into one category because of one Nepali's misconduct. Now you have two options either listen to the song "Confession by Usher" for the rest of your life, or do something with the GC of yours. Get a job, move on and please look after your mom who needs you the most at these difficult times. Many Megna's will come and go in life but there's only one mom. And please don't say you mishandled any situation, you did what you thought was best and most imp of all learnt a very valuable lesson in life.
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Pink_floyd
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Posted on 11-23-04 12:28
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well usher dude ! u definitely did screw up ! a lot of times as i would recall reading u'r little "confessions of a gym mistress" kind of story..... all i gotta say is forget about it ..... forget whatever happen just DON"T forget the lesson u learnt from it. well now get a job and take take care of u'r life and u'r mom dude. Peace out! Floyd
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swaati thapa
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Posted on 11-24-04 2:10
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Well whatever he have done that is past cannot change now so live with it. But my advice to u is as NAATA PARA KA HUN WA WARA KA KARMA AAUNCHAN BHANE SAKHAP PARES HAAT RA TIGRHA NAKAPAIYES ANI MATRA TERO NIDHAAR TACHINECHA I thik u get it what i am trying to say. BTW to all of us who have made some comment about nepali being characterized even the fingers of ur hand is not similar why you worry about generalization. Hamra Gaunghar ma bhanthe "Aarkaale baasi ra kuieko khayo bhandaima hamro pet kina dukaunu" peace to all
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recycle
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Posted on 11-29-16 10:24
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