I have been in a relationship with this woman for past 2 yrs and we have been living together for 1.5 yrs. Everything was going fine but now...she is acting very weird. Though she says she loves me, She hangs out with her friends till late in the morning, doesnt show up sometimes, gets drunk and doesnt listen to me or my advice.I have given her millions of chance but after some days, she is back to her partying and staying out. I still love her since she is my first love but at the same time, I dont see my future with her. I have tried to break up with her quite a few times but to no avail. I even supect she is seeing some other guy though she denies it. What should I do? How can I break up with my first love(i am not her first one) without hurting myself? Serious suggestions would be greatly appreiciated. Please share your story also if you have one so that it can be inspirational to me!
dude, I had the same problem back in 2006-20008. Do care of her activities that you don't like the most, like u said she stays late nite, partying, drinking and all ... keep those things in mind.... creat -ve feelings towards her..... I know it takes time but its the best way... coz if you leave her right away u may not be able to cope with the situations.... be a man.. think of youself... be little bit selfish.... it took me a while too to get rid of her.... when I got rid of her.... she tried to get me back.... but those millions of excuses I had give her already made me feel hate towards her..... ayway..... good luck dude once u start feeling -vely towards her.... everything happens automatically... but first thing is be brave and make -ve attitute towards her.....
My suggestion is have a good talk and say Good bye. there is no point lingering in a relationship where you know you have no future. Because if you keep giving her time, you will never be able to break up and the pattern continues and you get used to it.
I was in a relationship like that and it was so hard for me to break up with the guy even when i knew we had no future so i had to make a very firm decision and let go of everything.
Change your phone and do not keep in touch after the breakup at least for few months. Also, it is going to be very painful so make sure you have a good support of friends around to visit, talk to so that you can divert your mind, etc. Think of this as an addiction and how difficult it is to get rid of it. I used to think it would be easy but it took me more than a year to be normal again so do not expect a miracle if you have really loved her. Do not date someone else immediately also as you might not know if that is the right person and you could be only rebounding in the process and thus getting hurt again.
Talk to her and try to know her situation. She might have something goin on. Whats the hell you do when she go out for party? Can't you go with her? What made her to stay away from you even you still in love with her. I think problem is not her, its you? Analyze yourself first. see yourself in the mirror and find out what are the changes you have before dating her?
Dude how come you leave your g/f for party along!!! Give me a break !!!!!!!
talk to her and find out the situation. If you break you will cry rest of your life even if you will have a happy life with someone else. I personally hate to tell you but I have seen the situation. I have folks who are living happy life but still they are behind the first one !!!!!!
Its a painful decision. People who experience your situation only understand it. how it feels and whats the suffer is.........
talk to her and know her situation and make a bolt decision. if she does not change just stay away from her. One thing I will tell you - life will be happy with other people as well. even you will see dark all around, at the same time you will see rising sun from the horizon.
However kind you may be, there is no way around the fact that this is going to hurt the other person. All you can do is try to minimize the pain. It's just like ripping off a sticking plaster - if you rip it off all in one go, the pain will be over quickly, but if you do it slowly, it will hurt for longer.
2
Do not break up with the person by phone, instant message, or e-mail; this is disrespectful. Have the decency to do it privately and in person.
3
Try to avoid placing blame on the other person for the break up. Reflect carefully on the reasons for your decision to break up and be prepared to justify them without blaming your partner.
4
Be prepared for a range of emotions. When you finally break up with them, you have to be prepared for anything they give you. It could be sadness, anger, or even a lack of emotion. Also, make sure you know for sure that this is the right choice, otherwise it's possible that you may be convinced to give them another chance.
5
After, tell the person that you hope to stay in touch and that you still care about them.
6
And if you don't really want to be friends with her, don't say,"Oh, but we can still be friends." It hurts more if you avoid her.
7
Never go and brag to your friends that you broke up with her because all that will do is spread to her and make it all more painful.
8
For a while after, try not to date any of her friends or anyone in her "crowd" because if you break up with her, you will never get a date in that crowd again. Word will spread in that crowd that you broke up with two girls, and all of the others will think you'd break up with them too.
9
Don't be hurt if they start to hate you. Sometimes, after the sad stage, they will enter the hate stage. Don't be hurt by this. Everyone "heals" in different ways; this is just their way of forgetting about their pain.
So you started a relationship with a cute, sweet girl who turned out to be an emotional wreck and possibly mentally insane. No problem, the hardest part is breaking up...err, actually it might be staying broke up, but first things first. Realize that any relationship you are in should improve both people's lives, and in this case focus on how your life currently is compared to how you would like it to be. If your life is not going the way you want it to, then follow these seven steps to break up with your girlfriend:
1. Take a break from each other - Tell your girlfriend you're taking some time alone (and give her a definite day when you will be done). Keep it to about a week or two at the most, since at this point in the relationship things are probably rocky and you don't want to draw out the pain too long. It is crucial that you not see her or speak to her at all (or as little as possible). The reason you want to be completely away from her is so that your mind and body can clear the emotions which are clouding your reasoning and judgment. She will probably fight with you about this saying that 'she really needs you right now', or try to put some other guilt trip on you, but you must be firm and stand your ground.
2. Make a decision - Once your head is cleared and you've taken a step back from your situation, figure out what is best for you. Decide who and what you believe and be brutally honest with what kind of person your girlfriend really is. Does she lie? Have you suspected her of cheating? Can you trust her? Are you counting on her to change even though she has given you signs that she doesn't want to? Do you see a future with this woman and even the possibility that she could be the mother of your kids? Are you counting on the future to be different than what it is now (even though it will most likely be more of the same). Do you have ulterior motives for keeping this relationship alive (such as satisfying your family or friends, you don't think you will be able to find anyone else, etc)? Ask yourself, how would a real man act in this situation? Don't stay in a relationship just because you have 'history', it may be bad history and you want to end that as soon as possible.
3. Make a plan - If you've decided to end it, then you must figure out the implications when you break the news. Does she have possession of anything of yours that is valuable such as expensive electronics, memorabilia etc? Are the both of you in any joint contracts or ownership agreements such as real estate loans, car payments, credit cards, etc? Figure out a way that you can get out of any agreements and get your stuff back safely in case she flips out and goes on a rampage (such as having a mutual friend get your stuff while she is gone, etc).
4. Tell her your decision - Communicate to her in person exactly how you feel and what you've decided. Remember, the decision is over so do not ask, beg, or plead but tell her in a mature manner that is not spiteful, immature, or childish. Be prepared for threats against you or herself. Do not cave under the pressure; she will probably try to get you to reconsider any way possible. Expect tears. If she is seriously suicidal (and not just trying to manipulate you), then you should arrange for her friends to be nearby when you break the news and possibly some medical help as well.
5. Hold your ground - Forever. Do not doubt yourself or be swayed, the decision is final. Realize that people can change, but the chances are very small and any changes she may make in the future are most likely just surface changes not personal transformation.
6. Avoid her completely - Do not email, speak, or see her until you are comfortable with the idea of her having sex with someone else, then you can talk to her again (but with extreme caution and very limited). Remember, after you break up, it is crucial for your emotional connections to be severed completely so you can be truly free from her (this can take months or sometimes even years).
7. Be a man about it - If you decide to be 'friends' with her, be cordial and mature about it. Don't bring up old issues but treat her as a new guy friend. Don't be needy or go out of your way to help her, and especially don't fall into mind games. If she tries to make you jealous, hit on you, or bring up old issues, stop her immediately and remind her you are only friends and if she keeps it up you are outta there!
Thanks to all guys for helpful comments.Well....I have talked about it with her several times. I have even threatened to leave her but she is OK for a few days and then the cycle starts all over again. Besides, it all statrted when she befriended a girl who is completely spoiled. Her friend has dated several guys and now shes with a black guy. As far as I acompanying her to parties is concerned, I work night shifts and hardly get any free time. Although I have assured her to accompany her whenever possible, she goes out almost everyday.In addition to that, She behaved so nicely for the last 1 yr as if she was the most homely wife imaginable.Now, I think she has started to believe that I will never leave her and hence takes me for granted. It has gotten so worse that I can hardly explain. besides, we have been living more like husband and wife rather than bf and gf. We have phone plans together and have invested in lots of things together.
Ask your inner most soul what exactly do you want to do.... 1) Do you wanna cope up with the same life style until she leaves you 2) Being 2 cary can be 2 costly in the end...the more you love..more love turns from sweet to sour...understand what kind of relationship you want. 3) sharing is caring and caring is loving...if all these stuff are absent then leaving is moving 4) Better to get hurt now then 2 years in the future...if 2 people cannot understand each other..there is no love...it is simply infatuation hidding behind the shadow. 5) break-up if u are unhappy in a relationship.,...why bear the burden when there are better things to pursue. 6) It seems she might leave you anytime now or in the future...that would hurt more ...so take your action now so there is time to heal the reaction....BE A MAN DO THE RIGHT THING>>LISTEN TO YOUr HEART>>>>
Dude !! Be a Man.. How can't you understand She's Whore... She wants to leave you that's why she's doing all those Nautanki. Man some wisemen said "Men Should Never Run after 3 Things, Train, Bus and Girls, One gone Another's gonna Come". And specially in US anything can happen. Take it easy bro.. Chillax..
First, you have to accept that there's no escaping hurt if you break up with this girl. You will go through a range of emotions from relief, to anger to jealousy to insecurity to pathetic that you will consider begging her to take you back, that you made a mistake even if you dumped her.
Having said that it seems that you have no choice. Have an open discussion with her, as she seems to be open to that. Tell her what your expectations are and ask her why she is unhappy in the relationship. She is likely getting bored, if you can fix that and bring some excitement into your love life this may help. But do not bend over backwards.
Tell her where the line is and if she crosses it again be prepared to turn your back on her and move on no matter how painful it is. It will take you a while to heal but this is how it goes for every one who goes through the process.
Any relationship can get a bit boring and appear as if it is in a rut. Also your girl is exploring herself and with you there to fall back on everytime, she has nothing to lose. If she wants to explore herself and experiment, let her do it, but not at the cost of her walking all over you and cutting off your balls.
This is also a shit test on some level, since you are a nice guy and not backing up your threat she is testing you all the time. If you do not show balls and act on it, she will leave you anyways and your self esteem will be shattered. even bigger of a mess.
Sometime you have to accept that people's feelings change or that they need time and space to figure this out. Once you lay out where the lines are she is free to choose whether she can stay within those bounds. also understand that if she is partying all the time, all these new guys are chasing her. you being her paternal/husband type of figure cannot compete with that. You gotta turn the situation on its head, be firm, be clear and act. Unless she sees that you can change and inject some excitement in this life AND that you are capable of backing up your word, she's going to walk out or continue to use you as a doormat!
If your relationship is not keeping u well, wats the point? Only love is not enough to sustain a relationship. Its better to get hurt once rather than getting hurt everyday. get ride of her, you might feel bad initially, later u will feel good.
Living in constant pain with hell lots of suspicion will destroy u. So dont get destroyed.
I'd suggest you to grow some balls and tell her that its over. If she isn't cheating on you or isn't seeing anyone, she's gonna come after you and bug you with millions of questions on why you took the decision. If she didn't show any keen interest to find out the reason, you can stay assured - you'd have taken a massive and fantastic decision.
Scenario 1 : You are POSSESSIVE SOB, She had enough of you!! Scenario 2 : She might realized NO FUTURE with you!! Scenario 3: She might HAD ENOUGH with your NONSENSE !!
My Suggestion: MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!! SAY Ok Buddy,Guess we gotta depart, have a good life ahead!!
(Considering its your FIRST it might be ROUGH at First....but then whats the POINT of CLINGING ON LIKE A LOOSER)
{IF IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE, IT NEVER WILL BE}
->We all prefer Status Quo, nobody like change, nobody wants to feel VOID inside!!! BUT MAN GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN GOTTA DO(or WOMAN)..... GOOD FOR BOTH OF YOU!!
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